The Everlasting Journey of Parenting: Five Virtues to Offer Your Adult Children
My husband’s wise grandmother once shared a simple yet profound truth: parenting never truly ends. At first, I found this assertion a bit bewildering. As a parent navigating the chaotic days and sleepless nights that come with raising small children, I could hardly fathom how one could continue to be a parent once the offspring reached adulthood. Back then, the notion of “parenting an adult” felt as alien as outer space!
However, two decades have zipped by since that bewildering day at the hospital when I welcomed my first child into the world. Fast forward to today, and I find myself in an entirely different yet equally challenging realm of parenthood, raising a teenager and guiding two young adult children through their emerging lives.
This shift in dynamics comes along with a whirlwind of mixed emotions. While my children are discovering their identities as young adults, I, too, am grappling with the complexities of parenting during this new phase. Each milestone they encounter is not just a step forward for them, but also a shared experience for me—one that feels both unfamiliar and thrilling.
Twenty-two years ago, I stood at that hospital entrance, pregnant and brimming with a cocktail of excitement and fear. After all, I was about to embark on a journey into the unknown, and little did I know that every moment of parenthood from that point would carry its own brand of novelty.
As my children entered their young adult years, I couldn’t shake the realization that just as they were entering uncharted waters, so was I. Although I reflect on my own youth and acknowledge that we were once young adults ourselves, parenting my own children in this phase feels entirely different. It demands open communication, patience, and the wisdom to understand that our roles are evolving. We need to lean on the experiences shared by those who have walked this path before us—whether they’re family friends, mentors, or even books that capture the nuances of this transition.
So, how can parents support their adult children through this challenging yet exciting phase of life? Here are five essential virtues that can act as guiding lights:
1. Unconditional Love: This may seem obvious, but it remains critical. Young adults often face unforeseen challenges as they navigate career paths, relationships, and their newfound independence. Offering them love and support without judgment can be comforting. This virtue fosters an environment in which they feel safe to share their struggles, dreams, and failures.
2. Active Listening: In this age of distractions, taking the time to truly listen to your children can show them that you value their feelings and opinions. Whether they’re battling stress at work, navigating friendships, or sharing their viewpoints on life, being there to actively listen can strengthen your relationship. This creates a platform for deeper conversations about their evolving experiences.
3. Guidance Without Control: While it might be tempting to control the decision-making of your adult children, the best approach is to provide guidance instead. Share advice based on your own life experiences but allow them the freedom to make their own choices (and mistakes). This way, you foster their independence while being a safety net for when they slip.
4. Encouragement for Independence: As your children transition to adulthood, it’s vital to encourage them to take risks and try new things. Whether that means moving out, starting a new job, or pursuing a passion project, show them your support while reminding them that it’s okay to be uncomfortable. Sometimes, discomfort leads to the most profound growth.
5. Patience and Understanding: Change is hard for both parents and children. Be prepared for misunderstandings and occasional conflicts. Just as your children are trying to find their footing, you might feel a sense of loss or nostalgia for the days of their childhood. Remember that patience is essential as each of you learns to adapt to new roles.
As I navigate this new chapter alongside my children, I continue to reflect on my grandmother-in-law’s insight. Parenting might evolve, but it never truly ends. By embracing these virtues, I can foster a healthy, ongoing relationship with my young adults, enriching not only their lives but mine as well. Each stage of parenthood brings its own challenges and joys, but in the end, the connection we share remains a lasting legacy that will endure through the years.
